In the moment

Now so happy its ridiculous.

.school is so much fun..for example..my dear 50 year old male student from Afganistan, whose entire family wiped out..except for his wife..a serious but extremely polite man..we had been drilling pronounciation - pass vs path, sick v thick. I had all the words in a little box..Each student had to select one and read it..Doust pulls his out and reads "sad" - unfortunatly he was reading it upside down..was "pass"..70 year old Chinese Pin, who had been industriously copying fron the board..told me at the end of class she " no looky looky..glasses not working"..still we have a ball..Im so energised by the end of the morning..

and than home to plan and organise holiday after holiday..today sydney , two weeks timePerth, 4 weeks Bali..China in March.
I love the fact that we dont know where we will be living next year..all will be well!!!xxx

WHat a lucky girl I am!!Not missing Perth at all now ( apart from Timmy and a few dear friends)..just in the moment in Melbourne..counting my blessings effortlessly and frequently

need something..dont know what

3 months since last blog.. Im now through my significant, paralyzing, horrible depression..and the days are warm and I'm reasonably content with my little life for now..not doing enough..apart from two days with my students..and 3 times at the gym..my life lacks structure..love reading, playing on the computer, watching the box..but not enough!!...

keep brainstorming ideas..but none gel...just feel like i am marking time dong the bare minumum..waoting til my laziness pushes me to commit to something..sewing, art , film making, screen writing,, rowing,more good charity stuff, learn a language, master something onthe computer..get really fit..play guitar..on and on the ideas go with relentless circularity..at least I know what I dont want..mind fuck ..personal development type stuff
I just dont know..seeing Julie and JUlia last night..made me think about their efforts to fill voids in their lives and how fulfilled and challenged they both were..but they were both passionate about food and cooking..

come on universe throw something at me please!!!!!!!!

Simon Johnson in fitzroy

My beautiful refuge students and I went on a walk yesterday..teaching a bit of mapping, left right, road signs plus an opportunity to check out their local suburb beyond the block of flats and the classroom.

we meandered along..past the local school where regina's son was playing with Thuy's daughter..little aussie accents and happy smiles..and came across Simon Johnsons home providore...couldnt resist..In we went..the gay purveyor of fine foods looked horrified, could hardly manage a hello . and a visible grimace..when as I asked to see the cheese fridge ..my students were bewildered, couldnot believe the range of cheese or the price tags


the relief on mr shopkeepers face as we left the shop was the highlight of the walk.

what is next??

Im sitting in the porn palace.while hubby is down at coles..my few days of pain free leg came to a halt when the lift broke down. 13 flights of stairs twice, plus lots of walks with our next load of ..Perth visitiors ..beautiful Pammy and new boy boyfriend.great footy ( apart from the score), great art ( bracks ) , food..cumulus, chocolate budda, il duca,gaia,

.went to see the physio .. who was unavailable..dropped in to get new pair of glasses..in the slippery slope ..and now 2 pairs of incredibly expensive glasses plus ? glaucoma and high cholesterol?? (I didnt go to the Optomotrist to ask that but he tod me any way)
..so now blind, crippled, memory loss, insomnia,.and worrying now as my Hannah and James drive across the nullabour..heading to the star in the east!!

my new job!!

My new job!!

So we have done the holiday in Tasmania..which gave husband a chance to de stress and stop reading work emails..and look into a lens of a camera instead. Ive given up trying to coerce/ suggest/beg / whine for connection any more..its his life..he wants to be looking at a screen or through a lens..not surprising. .Im still pretty flat and depressed ( ??)with my new life..crippled, cold, no friends..etc..etc.
Liking, in a sadistic way, to shrinking my life down. No demands . no expectations..but I get home from my first day at work ..all I want to do is go to bed..and try and distract myself from my loneliness..and longing for some connection. .. ambivalent as usual.

A lot of fear about my health.. no energy..still sore and limping..not sleeping at night..so stuffed all day, every day.

My new role models ..my students ..so sweet ….from 70 year old to 20 year old..about 15 of them.. enthusiastic..determined.I felt so alive and privileged to be with them..such a stong lesson in the gift of giving!! And Colleen the boss..a woman who 12 months ago broke her leg..and is now having treatment for breast cancer..smiling and positive a.. "no shit" sheila..

Just keep trying to reassure myself that all things will pass..impermanence is a given. I will adapt to this strange new life..keep going through the motions..I think work will help a lot..

My new book club!!

So I hobbled down to Fitzroy gardens in the freezing cold...and found this bunch of ladies...so diverse.. from an elegant Melbourne 70 years plus woman..with matching Red Beret and coat quiet and refined and dignified .. the old ex..hippy..long dangly earings..angry ex public servant..germaine greer type..but clearly had a good brain . to Senga, the photographer, organising the Ballarat foto Biannale....and we are all struggling to cope with Nancy..the eccentric, loud, woman with the sportscar, whose lived "all over the world", with weeping lipstick who sucked on her white wine while trying to get control when things got a bit erodite.."Why has Tim Winton won 4 MIles Frankiln awards ..it must be rigged??". she shrieked Twice.we were discussing Sonya Harnett at the time..but I loved it..these women have only been meeting for 1 year..so no goss about other people..no whose who..no perth minutia..

my highlght ..meeting Mary Ann Davidson..showing off her beautiful daughters' wedding photos....a calm woman ,..been in Melbourne for 15 months.. She arrived hungry and ordered sauasages and mash and a glass of wine.. ( found out later she'd been to mass) an ex social worker, who became a library teacher..and a neighbour.. a coffee after book club..we talked about family, spiruality, life as a wife. isolation.. and what it offers..a fter living in a tight community...A New Best friend..??I felt connect..she had time as did I ..not a quick "meeting" between meetings..

Progress?? Im not sure..

so I've learnt to walk on tippee / toes..a major break through according to my physio..

and Im about to become a dolphin at the richmond pool..cos an old duck told me I should only pay $2.oo,not $10 .00 now Im over 50.

And Ive got this phone call from some lady...lining me up for east melbourne book club tomorrow..right now I cant judge anything..but ill go..cos she was so nice...

meanwhile Penny got a massive promotion..shags working iis arse off..Jd and span moving to Sydney..T and T building a new kitchen..

Penny goes home and I practise tip toeing up and down to and fro the lift.. and hubby gets back on line.